What an embarrassing time to be alive….

I’ve been feeling pretty down on myself lately.

Maybe I’ve been feeling down on the world. I definitely hold myself to unreasonable standards and, unfortunately, try to uphold everyone else to those same unreasonable standards as well.

This makes for a fairly tense existence.

Thankfully, I also teach children who continually give me hope and faith that we are still headed in the right direction (despite all the phone videos suggesting otherwise). Not to mention my own little ray of sunshine who, even in my darkest moments of hopelessness and despair, has already been able to reassure me that “everything is okay” (the way I guess I’ve been reassuring her for her whole life).

I am not looking forward to these next few months, or, if certain articles are to be believed, the next few years. I am horrified that I didn’t speak up louder, clearer and stronger in defense of my fellow human beings rights (for the record, I don’t care who you are, where you come from, what culture bred you, how you wish to live your life from here… I, in shadow of my father’s USMC service, in shadow of our nation’s declaratory will, shall defend to the death your right to pursue life, liberty and happiness. I just thought I was doing this by stepping back and letting things “be.” But as evidenced by this last election, that was… just giving the predators space to swoop in and take over).
I am appalled by how many people I know who (seemingly) saw how toxic Donald Trump was and said “yeah, that’s okay for me and my kids.” I am appalled by how many people either a) believed his lies or b) wanted to support his truths.

I repeat. Appalled.

I have been listening to our kids and their concerns for four years.
I have been watching Trump’s executive orders and his backwards dealings for four years.
I have been swallowing and ignoring and absorbing my own triggers and traumas related to the last four years – for four years.

But I never truly believed that the country was so racist, so hateful and so ignorant as to actually let this clinically psychotic maniac continuing running it.

And yet, HERE WE ARE.

I repeat. Appalled.

Anyhow, make fun of empaths all you want. I physically hurt when I see another living thing hurting. I weep at the dichotomy of how simultaneously beautiful and utterly pointless life actually is. And I will say, these last four years have been hell. Beautiful and pointless hell.

So, as always, I’ve been beating myself up for not fighting harder.
For not seeing what I didn’t see at the time.
For not speaking up at every single instance of injustice that I (naively) thought was somehow isolated and removed from the larger narrative.

As I said, I’ve been feeling down on myself lately.

But then I found the video of a “Proud Boys Initiation”.
And after that, I say: F*ck feeling bad. The “other side” is full of idiotic incel frat boys.

If anyone should feel bad or embarrassed, it’s them.

Here’s hoping we all navigate out of this conundrum with compassion and relative ease.

Namaste.