Determined.

I’m not a wilting wallflower. I’ve never been as such and I never will be.

After this weekend, hearing both inspiring words and disparaging ones, I know I’m determined to proceed in a specific direction.

I love teaching. I love the fact that I have an intimate understanding in a number of disciplines. Years ago I remember hearing “you’re going to have to choose” and more recently that I’ve made myself into a jack of all trades but a master of none, but this is wrong.

Everything is connected. Especially in the arts.

Maybe I didn’t grab everything I could from my undergraduate theater program, but I grabbed a more macro understanding of who we are, where we come from and where we could/should be heading by double majoring and constantly questioning my own beliefs. I walked away with a less than perfect GPA but that’s because I didn’t shy away from the challenging classes and I took as many credit hours as my university would allow so I could graduate with both degrees on time.

And now, with a clearer understanding of how our “real world” system works and a more specific view about how I want to contribute to it, I find myself at the mercy of a system I may have outgrown.

I’m a naturally optimistic individual, but I’m not naive. And while I know that I “could” succeed at self publishing and proceeding “on my own,” it seems like a far more monumental task than possible. But maybe just changing my perspective is what’s currently needed.

Like I said, I’m determined.